Thursday, January 6, 2011

New Year's Resolutions For the Fictional (They're People Too, Sort Of)

The new year is finally here, folks, and with it the return of some old TV favorites/guilty pleasures (V, Jersey Shore, The Game.) Lately, my TV watching has been sporadic at best, especially with most of my favorite shows being on holiday break (why do you abandon me in my time of need, NBC? Who doesn’t need a break after hours of fruitless after-Christmas shopping?) Nevertheless, it's time to turn over a new leaf and turn on the TV.

Sadly this week does not bring us new installments of either 30 Rock (why, Tina, why?) or Community, and although their absence from the small screen will probably make it easier for me to start on my New Year's resolutions (read more, exercise, watch less TV, etc), it also makes me ponder the hypothetical resolutions of my favorite characters. What is Liz Lemon hoping for in the new year, as she sits at her desk eating a hoagie?

A friend of mine once said, "If I'm not watching The Shield, Vic Mackey isn't stopping crime; I gotta go." I, on the other hand, like to think things carry on in the TV universe. Somewhere Sue Sylvester is throwing out her Christmas tree and plotting her next move, Sheldon Cooper is starting the year out with some deep cleaning and Liz Lemon is eating a second hoagie. Here are some things I think they, and other TV characters, are adding to their list of New Year's Resolutions:

Sue Sylvester: Design world's first armored track suit.

Mr. Schuester: Invest in a manufacturer of hair straighteners; lobby for the creation of a tiny hair straightener. An aside: As a member of the curly hair community I know I should be pro natural curls, but in the words of Sue, "I thought you [Will Schuester] might want to put all of us out of our misery and shave off that Chia pet.” (His hair bugs me. It's irrational. I don't care.)

Sheldon Cooper: Join Germaphobics Anonymous.

Liz Lemon: Begin skincare regimen; explore anti-oxidant properties of hoagies.

Peggy Olson: Read The Second Sex.

Nancy Botwin: Hatch plan to seduce FBI agent/lawyer/judge.

The entire cast of Grey's Anatomy: Stop speaking in soliloquies (or try shaving off a minute from each impassioned speech. Baby steps, people, baby steps.)

What are your new year’s resolutions? And what are your favorite characters up to (hypothetically)?

1 comment:

  1. I like to think that somewhere, Leslie Knope has just decided not to extend her week-long sugar fast through the rest of the year. She is enjoying a blended coffee drink with extra sugar, extra whip, as I type this.