Five Shows I Would Cancel

 

I am sad. I just realized that Running Wilde has been canceled, making this the third Mitch Hurwitz show to be prematurely killed by Fox, following Arrested Development in 2006 and the lesser-known and even shorter-lived animated series Sit Down, Shut Up in 2008. Some people never learn. Wilde admittedly got off to a rocky, inconsistent start, but it showed promise and was funny in that absurd way mildly reminiscent of Arrested. Besides, I will watch almost anything Will Arnett touches. I won’t mourn it for very long, but this cancellation did get me thinking about shows that have truly reached their expiration dates and should be put out of their misery, along with the poor saps who would otherwise still wish they we knew how to quit them. Here are my top five, in no particular order:

1. Desperate Housewives

Yes, I still watch this, cue the shaking of a thousand heads, but judging by the fact that I’ve been writing this post while the latest episode has been playing in the background, it’s obvious that this show’s guilty pleasure flame has fully been extinguished along with its humor, originality, and feminine appeal. The conflicts have been getting recycled for the past two or three seasons, and when they aren’t, the complications the writers think up are embarrassingly outlandish. I mean, how much villainy can take place on the same damn street in a gated community of East Borington, Middle America? I know that’s the schtick here, but it has gotten so seriously old that I’d rather watch Project Runway. The timeline of this show is already so screwed up that current events are supposed to be taking place 10 years or so after the first season’s; let’s not try to go for Desperate Housewives: The Golden Years here.

2. Big Love

It’s hard for me to go back to a time when I thoroughly enjoyed and obsessively followed this show. Over the years it’s been pretty fascinating to observe the evolution of the three “sister wives,” the compelling stories of myriad supporting characters, and sometimes, the humanity of even the vilest of the lot. The high point came circa Season 3, but ever since then I’ve had an increasingly harder time becoming invested in the characters, in large part because the central one, the polygamous patriarch himself, has not seemed to develop past his general blandness. Moreover, driven by Bill’s political aspirations, the complications for his family have shifted from the private to the public sphere, where before, what made the show interesting was its focus on the secrecy of it all and the intricately nuanced questions of morality, freedom, and faith that emanated therefrom. By bringing the Henricksons’s polygamy out in the open this season, the writers have provided nothing more than a deus ex machina device to bring about obstacles and perhaps, in the end, the family’s destruction; I don’t know about others, but I would much rather have seen these relationships unravel from the inside out.

3. The Office

This is actually really difficult because I still enjoy this show a good amount. Still, ever since the whole Jim and Pam will-they-won’t-they mystery has been off the table, we’ve been treated to a gradual decline into sameness over the years. Now that Steve Carrell is leaving and taking the sublime character Michael Scott with him, I have doubts that the Dunder Mifflin gang will retain its viewership and special something that made it one of the great comedy wild cards of the last decade. Let’s not give this show a chance to get stale and accept that it may be time to resign it and allow its successor, Parks and Recreation aka the other NBC documentary-style sitcom, to really flourish.

4. One Tree Hill

OK, I’ve never watched an entire episode, but based on what I’ve seen of it on The Soup, this show neeeeeds to end, like, yesterday.

5. Grey’s Anatomy

This one is really starting to grasp at straws now, as evidenced by the parade of characters, each of them more attractive than the last, that have made their way on and off the show since its premiere, and I’m not just referring to those few forced and voluntary resignations that take place every now and then. The problem is that the only new thing that ever happens among the Seattle Gracies is sex with someone different, and now that most of the possible couplings have already happened, the producers keep introducing new players to an already numerous ensemble cast in hopes of creating new stories. It’s more than a little desperate. Who the eff is Lucy Fields and why should I care about her… other than the obligatory sob story that every character in a Shonda Rhimes production seems to be walking around with (also see: Practice, Private and Map, Off the)? Since the three central couples are now well-established and happy together, why not just wrap it up neatly and call it a day? Give MerDer a damn baby, Alex a non-crazy girlfriend, and Lexie an age-appropriate boyfriend, and get out with a shred of dignity before it’s too late.  

Have I missed anything? What other shows are mercilessly keeping us hooked in spite of our better judgment?

Independent Spirit A— What Now?

While I was performing one of my frequent perusals of ifc.com—generally for the purpose of re-watching Portlandia clips—I saw an ad for THIS.

First of all, I had no idea the Independent Spirit Awards were even televised, but what excited me more was seeing Joel McHale’s face right next to the title. I have been saying for ages that he would be an excellent choice to host an awards show, so I am just tickled that there are some similarly minded people out there. Sure, it would be nice to see him employ that perfect comedic timing for a higher-profile and more pop culture-laden affair, like the Golden Globes or the Emmys, but you know what? I love awards shows. I love Joel. I will be watching this. Probably whilst fantasizing about being cocooned inside those long, tux-clad limbs. Besides, it will be nice to see a show that promises some slightly different victors than the all-but-predetermined Oscar winners of the following night. 

Step Aside, Families

They are young. They are paired off. They are childless. They are everywhere.

Valentine’s season has come and gone and I am pleased to say that I had a fairly successful time avoiding the aggravating, relationshippy bullshit taking place all around me. As a single person, this is an important skill and one that I have perfected over the years. I can sense when a friend is about to gush about his girlfriend or mope about her breakup or bemoan his single status, and I am always prepared. A subtle conversational misdirection here, an innocuous segue there, and I am usually, as they say, golden. I was not, however, prepared to be attacked with this crap by the one constantly faithful institution in my life: TV.

I know this has been sneaking up on us for some time now, but never before have there been so many relationship sitcoms—not to be confused with friend sitcoms, a topic for another day—pervading the airwaves in every. freaking. direction. I think it’s safe to declare the Couple Sitcom the new Family Sitcom in terms of unimaginative comedy with mass appeal. It’s true. Every major network has one, and I am virtually incapable of flipping channels on any night of the TV-viewing week without stumbling on a pair o’ lovers mumbling hackneyed apologies to, or trying to hide some absurd blunder from, one another.

It all started harmlessly enough when CBS, arguably the stodgiest, most boundary-pulling network, introduced Rules of Engagement back in 2007. Two couples and an aging lothario (played by David Spade (as if! (there aren’t enough parentheses in the world to fully capture all of my Inception-style reactions to this))) hanging out and trading repartee about the so-called differences between men and women? OK, sure; I’d watch that in the Dakotas. I didn’t even give a second thought to ABC’s fluffy-haired, fluffy-brained Better with You, which premiered this fall and is occasionally amusing. This, by the way, is a show with stylish outfits, square older people, and cutesy sets (one of the couples lives in an old firehouse, cue eye roll) meant to appeal to younger audiences. Again, harmless enough. But no sooner did the 2011 confetti touch the beer-soaked ground than two more such sitcoms sprouted within mere weeks of each other: NBC’s Perfect Couples and Fox’s Traffic Light, wherein the titular road signal is officially the dumbest analogy for a relationship I’ve ever heard—something about the different color lights symbolizing the different stages… I don’t know; I tuned out when the dopey wrap-up music started playing. 

So what gives? Is this what the market wants? I can respect that, but do all of these shows have to be exactly the same? Oh, look: Jack and Jill are the couple that’s been together forever; they need to find ways to keep things fresh! John and Jane are just starting out; they are naïve and still think relationships are fun and easy! Whatever will they all learn this week?!

The problem with this formula is that it inevitably draws on certain relationship clichés to make its stories work, not the least and most irritating of which is painting its women as hormonal shrews and its men as clueless doofuses, younger versions of Debra and Ray Barone but without the kids or the lovable core. Either that or it’s the gullible bimbo wives who repeatedly fall for the countless schemes and tricks the men concoct to temporarily escape the confines of the relationship. And so, instead of giving their audience an actual team for which to root, these shows invariably give us an antagonist, whether it’s the women’s ball busting tactics or the men’s utterly avoidant styles of husbandry. By the way, I’d really love to know how much more of the “I love my wife, but I am still a man” motif I can look forward to yawning through this year. Not only is this trope more tired than James Franco, but it is completely false. I don’t know any women in relationships who actively seek to emasculate their partners to the degree that television will have us think or, you know, at all. I mean, cry me a river, guy, but if you are in a committed relationship with a Lady, just accept that your days of going to strip clubs or similarly sleazy locales are over. Am I right?

For me, the most successful, if poorly titled, of the four sitcoms is Perfect Couples. The edge it has is in taking an atypical approach to the establishment of the couples. Instead of giving us three relationships at three different stages on the joint journey towards death, this show merely gives us three stylistically different relationships; I call them the Average Joes, the Drama Queens, and the Wild Cards. It works because the characters are each distinctively fleshed out, and the actors, bless their hearts, fully commit to their imagined personas. There’s also a glorious lack of a men vs. women competitive/mean-spirited streak, for which I am truly grateful. Ultimately, these elements all come together to create a comedy that’s actually—are you sitting down?—funny.

What do you guys think of this phenomenon I call the Couple Sitcom? And for the love of God, who finds David Spade sexy???

Happy Valentine's Day!...

...to all the couples that didn't break up today. Enjoy this montage celebrating both love and television, and remember: only one of those is guaranteed.

Newsflash NBC: Colonialism Not Funny

Those smiles mean theirs is a mutually beneficial relationship, we swears!


















NBC, you were so close tonight. I brewed my Thursday night coffee with great anticipation, determined to stay awake through the end of 30 Rock—totes worth it! And it's not just Fey and the gang who are firing on all pistons in this lineup. Community just gets better and better as it settles into itself, The Office was brill again, Parks and Recreation is still the greatest undiscovered TV treasure (and it drives me bananas), and even Perfect Couples is turning out to be one of the better regular-folk sitcoms this year.

And then there's Outsourced, the new-this-season comedy about a Mumbai-based American call center. I abandoned this show early this fall due to failure to humor/interest, but tonight... tonight I was actually appalled. (I just couldn't turn off the TV fast enough after Rock, could I?) The first four minutes of the episode saw three white managers literally exchanging techniques for raising morale maintaining docility  among their Indian employees. Over lunch. Whilst cracking a joke about trading workers via the aid of cards. Yes, you got it: like Pokemon. (Direct paraphrase: "I'll give you these two in exchange for the quiet one." WOW!)

I haven't the words.

I won't harp unnecessarily on this, except to say that the most ridiculous aspect of that whole scene was how unbelievably accidental it felt. This was no cleverly and deliberately written envelope-pushing verbal exchange in the style of 30 Rock, folks. This felt frighteningly more like Borat-style humor.

NBC, here's the bottom line: modern-day colonialism humor is not OK, so what say you hurry up and get rid of this redheaded stepchild of a show. Oh, I'm sorry—was that offensive?

The New Showtime Sunday: A Brief Assessment

Ever since Mad Men ended, my Sunday viewing has been sparse and disappointing, to say the least. Sparse because the only viable option is Desperate Housewives, and disappointing because, well, I don't think that bears an explanation. Naturally, I was more than a little excited to check out not one but two new Sunday shows from Showtime, a network with a track record of producing TV that is both great (i.e. Weeds) and... not-so-great (i.e. Californication).

True to its name, Showtime's newest (attempted) dramedy seems hell-bent on blowing up the appall-o-meter with its diversely messed up characters. Unfortunately, in spite of the semi-interesting premise, I don't think Shameless is a show I will keep watching for very much longer. There's nothing horribly wrong with it, but there's nothing truly special about it either. The show happens to suffer from a mediocre lead actress, but the biggest gripe I have is the huge discord between the gravity of the issues presented and the humorous attitude with which they are treated. Call me stodgy, but poverty and perpetually drunk single fathers-of-six are not that funny, no matter how many horny Joan Cusacks you throw into the mix. And then there's the other thing... Let's just say that in spite of the mixed signals emitted by this show, Shameless does give its audience one very clear, very frequent message: dudes sure be gaga over damaged chicks.

I much prefer Episodes, the new comedy about a grounded (and regular-looking!) husband-and-wife screenwriting/producing team who agree to bring their beloved and successful British sitcom to America, then are subsequently forced to stand by and watch the myriad ways in which the Hollywood treatment fails to deliver on its promises. The show also ushers in Matt LeBlanc's first regular TV gig since Friends (let's just pretend the abysmal Joey never happened), this time playing a hilariously dramatized version of himself, à la Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Pair a narcissistic LeBlanc with two judgmental Brits and toss them all into a Hollywood studio setting, and you've got yourself some mighty hijinks, my friend. All in all, Episodes is a pretty bloody funny show and home to the single most refreshingly "equalized" romantic partnership I can remember seeing depicted on a sitcom. (A friend jokingly referred to the female half as a "bit of a ball buster," but she's not. She's not!)

My Rock Bottom

 

Just when you thought the red rose couldn't be a bigger cliche...

Unlike my colleague here at our nifty little blog, one of my resolutions for 2011 is to watch more TV, if for no other reason than to accumulate fodder for said blog. (Parenthetically, it will be interesting to see how well this goal will gel with res number two: lose thirfteenleven pounds.) Of course, given the amount of TV I already watch, this decision has forced me in many ways to dip dangerously close to the bottom of the barrel.

Last week I tuned in for the season premiere of The Bachelor, fueled only by my ongoing mission to find the perfect show on which to do weekly recaps. (Spoiler alert: the search continues.) I was hoping the “controversy” associated with this season would provide some mild analytical twists, while the show’s usual antics would lend themselves perfectly to jokes and ridicule. As it turns out, the scandal surrounding this year’s bachelor is hardly enough to make a few ripples in the show’s monotony, let alone an actual wave. In a nutshell, bachelor Brad Womack catapulted himself to notoriety during his first stint on the show back in 2007, by brazenly rejecting both of the final two future Mrs. Womack hopefuls. The nerve.

I stuck around through the end of the episode, if only to relish the inherent hilarity in the fresh batch of women having their “words” with the dude who deigned to screw with the show’s promise of a televised proposal. Because, as all of us card-carrying Ladies often ask ourselves, what’s the point in dating a man while sabotaging other women if he doesn’t give you a big shiny rock in the end? I mean, to not be ready to propose marriage to someone after six whole weeks of dating in a variety of fantasy scenarios? What kind of a dick move is that?! And OMG, like, who would even choose being alone over being with a girl who wears evening dresses and fancy eye shadow every day? Enjoy your TV-lit frozen dinners and bubbleless baths, douchebag!

Of course, the solidarity was quickly abandoned as, true to form, the women’s baby-making instincts kicked in and they began fighting each other in earnest for Brad’s sperm attention. Ugh! I should have known I couldn’t watch a show whose sheer premise fundamentally disgusts me. My favorite moment, if I can call it that, came when one of the bachelorettes, mere moments after meeting him, slapped Brad square across the face “just to get it out of the way,” prompting him to utter the words, “Now I like you even more,” or some such. I get it; who doesn’t love a little abuse now and then, am I right? The whole episode, really, was a rubbernecker’s wet dream, from Brad's awkward confrontation with the two spurned ladies of yore to the gratuitous footage of his Changed Self, a change that—if the circumference of his upper torso is any indication—took place largely in that most sacred sanctuary of dudedom: The Gym. (To be completely honest, this was the first time I’d ever been jealous of a man’s nipple pertness.) What really amused me throughout the whole thing was the level of righteous indignation, albeit short-lived, shown by some of the new women on behalf of the old, rejected ones. I mean, this guy is practically a pariah for making a decision than any rational human in the real (read: unsimulated) world would applaud. It boggles the mind, it does.  

Fortunately, the second show I discovered on my new year’s quest fared much better. In fact, Grey’s Anatomy is actually, sort of, in a way, good. This is a show I had tried out when it first started, back when Scrubs was in its heyday and doctor shows in general were all the rage, but I abandoned it shortly thereafter due to both my general inability to suspend that pesky disbelief and my fear of being associated with that very specific demographic of doe-eyed womanfolk. (Full disclosure: I’ve really been revisiting this show since last season’s finale, which I tuned into after being exposed to endless ABC promos and which turned out to be a positively gripping two hours of television.)

I’m not saying it’s on par with Mad Men or Breaking Bad (seriously, did the AMC execs make some Faustian-type deal back in 2007?), but Grey’s Anatomy is pretty solid, not-completely-ridiculous entertainment. I am also shameless enough to admit that the collective hotness of the cast is likely doing wonders toward helping me forgive those long, impassioned speeches that creator Shonda Rhimes is known for. At any rate, there are some good bloody moments in this show. For example, even though I could have done with less repetitive dialogue, I was totally transfixed when Meredith called out Derek in the OR last week. That scene surprised me, and I was definitely not expecting this show to ever be able to sneak up on me like that. And then there are those awesome shots of the Space Needle between scenes? Sold!

Look at how hot they are!

But, like Sir Isaac Newton once postulated, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. For every awesome moment on Grey’s, there’s an equally cheesy one, too. Sure, you might witness a wrenching and plausible exchange between newly-broken-up Drs. Torres and Robbins, but a mere few minutes later you will be cringing through a sappy and clichéd reunion of estranged BFFs Meredith and Christina, set to the tune of the worst '80s Top Gun music I’ve heard so far in this millennium. There’s a good chance you’ll be compelled to nod emphatically through a scene that speaks super true to the harsh realities of post-traumatic stress, but faster than you can say “sassy black lady,” out comes Dr. Bailey summoning her inner Scarlett O’Hara (after the glamour years) to literally look up into the heavens and dem-ay-and—raised fist and all—that God return the life into a patient’s body, hammering home the point that the writers have been bending over backwards to illustrate since Episode 1: that when Miranda Bailey speaks, folks listen, deities included.

Personally I’m thankful for the corny moments because they keep me grounded and a safe distance away from wanting to think this show makes for some sort of brilliant, groundbreaking television. Still, fitting somewhere between the guilty pleasures and the eagerly anticipated must-sees, Grey’s has wedged itself pretty comfortably in my long list of followed programming.  

What are some other shows I should watch and/or recap? Help this tellyphile meet her New Year’s resolutions by leaving lots of comments. Weight loss tips unwelcome.

New Year's Resolutions For the Fictional (They're People Too, Sort Of)

The new year is finally here, folks, and with it the return of some old TV favorites/guilty pleasures (V, Jersey Shore, The Game.) Lately, my TV watching has been sporadic at best, especially with most of my favorite shows being on holiday break (why do you abandon me in my time of need, NBC? Who doesn’t need a break after hours of fruitless after-Christmas shopping?) Nevertheless, it's time to turn over a new leaf and turn on the TV.

Sadly this week does not bring us new installments of either 30 Rock (why, Tina, why?) or Community, and although their absence from the small screen will probably make it easier for me to start on my New Year's resolutions (read more, exercise, watch less TV, etc), it also makes me ponder the hypothetical resolutions of my favorite characters. What is Liz Lemon hoping for in the new year, as she sits at her desk eating a hoagie?

A friend of mine once said, "If I'm not watching The Shield, Vic Mackey isn't stopping crime; I gotta go." I, on the other hand, like to think things carry on in the TV universe. Somewhere Sue Sylvester is throwing out her Christmas tree and plotting her next move, Sheldon Cooper is starting the year out with some deep cleaning and Liz Lemon is eating a second hoagie. Here are some things I think they, and other TV characters, are adding to their list of New Year's Resolutions:

Sue Sylvester: Design world's first armored track suit.

Mr. Schuester: Invest in a manufacturer of hair straighteners; lobby for the creation of a tiny hair straightener. An aside: As a member of the curly hair community I know I should be pro natural curls, but in the words of Sue, "I thought you [Will Schuester] might want to put all of us out of our misery and shave off that Chia pet.” (His hair bugs me. It's irrational. I don't care.)

Sheldon Cooper: Join Germaphobics Anonymous.

Liz Lemon: Begin skincare regimen; explore anti-oxidant properties of hoagies.

Peggy Olson: Read The Second Sex.

Nancy Botwin: Hatch plan to seduce FBI agent/lawyer/judge.

The entire cast of Grey's Anatomy: Stop speaking in soliloquies (or try shaving off a minute from each impassioned speech. Baby steps, people, baby steps.)

What are your new year’s resolutions? And what are your favorite characters up to (hypothetically)?