Weeds Recap: Become a Real Person

"Learned nothing from three years behind bars?"    --Andy

Well, my friend Ed was off this week, but he sure did work his magic from behind the scenes, getting Nancy into a drug class instead of kicking her ass back to prison for her little slip-up. And Shelby Keene is no mnemonic-rhyming nurturer, that's for sure. Like Nancy, Shelby comes from a past of drug-dealing, you see, so she is immune to Ms. Botwin's excuses for why she failed a urine test and fights with her roommates. Or at least she would have been if Nancy weren't so crazy-untouchable; of course Shelby is touched by Nancy's plight, what with her dead baby daddy and estranged child. To be fair, though, that speech really was pretty damn compelling, because sister Jill Price Hyphen Gray? Still a jerk of mythical proportions, believe it or not. Her newest bout of assholery includes asking Nancy to sign away permanent custody of Stevie, which means Nancy has to get her shit together before she can be released back into society and take back her kid. Dealing weed may not be the smartest move for her at this point, but it may be the quickest route to financial solvency.

As for her other two sons, Nancy sent one in pursuit of college admission and suffered through a cold reunion with the other, who is now using Lars's last name as his nom de pec. The poor bastard (pun intended) had narrowly escaped suffocation (in the name of art!) mere minutes prior to finding his mother rocking his outfit and stashing her high-frequency radio (get it?) in his apartment. Silas is justifiably angry still, but the satisfaction of giving Nancy money for cab fare must surely have helped some. Otherwise, it's just been another week, another hideous outfit for Nancy, but thankfully she wasn't wearing it when she propositioned Zoya's brother... Dmitri, is it? Come on, Nance: show some loyalty to your psychotic prison girlfriend and maybe bang some other tall dude, maybe one that doesn't share her parentage. Granted, it's been three years since you've done it hetero, so I get it: Nancy horny.

Poor Andy seems to have resumed his hopeless crush on his sister-in-law almost immediately, if his discomfort at seeing some flashes of Nancy were any indication. Unfortunately for him, she only wants him to research some of the dealers whose names were casually dropped during her drug class. But surely he can find temporary love with the pretentious artiste of Silas's lucrative, humiliating first NYC job. Other jobs offered in this episode? Wall Street accountant. To Doug. Am I missing something? Was Doug so good of an accountant as to warrant the amount of ass-kissing bestowed upon him this week? What is Doug even still doing on this show? He'd better go full idiot quick; this playing at being a semi-responsible adult isn't working for me.

Next week: Martin Short and Aidan Quinn guest star. What the what?